If you are like me, you sometimes find it tough to stop stressing over things you can’t control.
Those things can range from the little, like:
- Traffic jams
- Overbearing family members
- Or getting difficult assignments at work
To the gigantic, such as:
- Losing your job
- Huge student loan debt
- Or serious health issues
This article is going to give you 31 methods to stop stressing over things you can’t control —> From the little to the big.
Each have helped me, and I hope they can help you too.
Before I get into the ways to stop stressing, I’m going to give you a quick overview of what I like to call your “Tiers of Control” and how they can lead to stress.
Stress and the Tiers of Control
First, consider that every part of your life falls somewhere on a scale.
And that scale ranges from what you can control to what you have no control over whatsoever.
And everything in between.
There are three tiers of control:
- Tier One: Total control – e.g., brushing your teeth, cleaning your room, exercising
- Tier Two: Partial control – e.g., getting a promotion, winning a competition, developing a strong relationship with someone (romantic, business, or friendship)
- Tier Three: No control – e.g., becoming sick, things other people say/do to you, the state of the economy
Each of these three levels of control can lead to stress, but in different ways.
Stress from Tier One: Total Control
The aspects of your life you have total control over can lead to stress in a few ways:
- First, they require self-discipline to complete. If you are not self-disciplined, this can lead to stress because you aren’t able to get the things done you need to.
- Second, even if you have self-discipline, they still require mental effort and/or physical energy (aka “work”).
- Third, despite having the power to direct your life in these areas, you may not have a clear idea of what specifically you need to do to (e.g., stress over figuring out what exercise routine to choose).
Stress from Tier Two: Partial Control
Areas where you have partial control, are in some ways the worst of both worlds:
- First, you have all the stresses of things that are in your control (see Tier One above for examples).
- Second, you have the stresses of things that are not in your control (see Tier Three below for examples).
For instance, if you want to start a business, there are many elements you can control (research you do on your target customers, time spent building a quality product, etc.), but also many elements you can’t control (government regulations and taxes, the overall economy, etc.).
Stress from Tier Three: No Control
Elements of your life where you have no control lead to stress in multiple ways:
- First, the feeling of being powerless to change things is not a good feeling.
- Second, you often think that there is something you can do, even when there isn’t. This can lead you to put pressure or blame on yourself.
- Third, the consequences are real, and when things don’t go your way, they can be incredibly tough to deal with.
This Article Focuses on How to Stop Stressing Over Tiers Two and Three
That is, how you can stop stressing about the areas of your life which you have no control or only partial control over.
Now, let’s get to the 31 ways to stop stressing!
Keep in mind, I don’t expect all these methods to apply to everything you are dealing with. So feel free to choose the ones which apply best to your life and your specific situations.
31 Ways to Stop Stressing Over Things You Can’t Control
1. Recognize the Things Which Are Not in Your Control
Think about all the things you stress about. I bet you some of them are things which are completely, or at least mostly, out of your control.
Yet you still spend a ton of time worrying about them.
If you can identify those areas which are out of your control, and tell yourself “I can’t control this,” then your anxiety level will go down.
For example, every so often, my wife gets stressed out, and she can at times express that stress in the form of anger or irritability.
Now, I’m not gonna lie, there certainly are times where I HAVE actually done something which made her angry. I will totally admit that!
But there are also a good amount of times where her frustration comes from a different place. And she is reviewing this article and would admit that :-).
When my wife gets upset, even if not at me directly, it’s sometimes hard to not start stressing out too.
And that only makes things worse, leading both of us into a vicious cycle of stress madness.
But when I recognize that I can’t control her emotions, and the best thing I can do in this situation is to keep my cool, then I don’t worry quite as much.
2. Take Care of the Things Which You Have Total Control Over
The things which are outside of your control are things you can’t do anything about.
But the things which are in your total control are entirely up to you to change.
For example, for me, I have total control over:
- Eating healthily
- How I treat other people
- And not spending excessively
If you can get your life in order in the area that you have full control of, you will have much more strength to deal with the challenges outside of your control.
3. Optimize the Controllable Elements of Things Partially Under Your Control
After you have taken care of everything that you have total control over, it is time to turn to what you have partial control over.
For example, let’s say you want a promotion.
There are some elements which are under your control. Like:
- The quality of the work you do.
- Your willingness to collaborate with others.
- And how hard you work.
But there are also elements you can’t control. Such as:
- Whether your boss likes you.
- Office politics.
- And how much work you are assigned.
The first step is to do an honest assessment of how much is in your control and how much is not.
Then, make sure you are doing everything you can in the aspects which are under your control.
In this case, making sure your work is good, you are a good team member, and you work hard.
It might not always get you the result you are looking for. But it may help reduce your worries a bit knowing that at least you are taking care of your part of the equation.
4. Only Think About Things Outside Your Control if They Help Inform Decisions
Now let’s say you are dealing with something completely out of your control.
There is no reason to spend time thinking about that thing, UNLESS it is informing strategic decisions that are in your control.
For example, let’s say you are in a global pandemic. *Hypothetically*
You want to keep up to date with the pandemic only so much as it helps you make better decisions.
That is, how to prevent yourself and others from getting sick.
But you don’t want to spend all day getting consumed by it. Since that will only lead to additional anxiety and suffering.
5. CRITICAL STOP STRESSING TACTIC: Don’t Regret the Past
Don’t spend time reliving past decisions/events.
Of course, truly traumatic things may be extremely difficult to move past.
But if you are like me, there are also many little things you obsess about that you “could have done differently” or “your life would have been so much better if that thing hadn’t happened.”
For the things which are possible for you to move on from, don’t look back – just keep moving forward. This will help reduce your stress.
Note, reliving GOOD memories about the past is a totally different story, and can lead to great times!
6. Don’t Spend More Time Than is Necessary Contemplating the Future
Spend most of your time focusing on present challenges.
Only focus on the future ones to the extent that they are helpful.
For example:
- If you are dealing with something you have no control over (e.g., will my root canal be successful or not), there is no plus side to thinking about it.
- And for things which are partially in your control (e.g., your overall health), it only helps to think about the elements which are in your control. Like planning to get nutritious foods at your next grocery visit. And not the elements which are outside your control. Like whether you will develop an unpreventable health condition.
7. Set a Time Limit for Thinking/Planning
Sometimes I’ve found it helps to set a time limit for how long I am going to spend planning something out.
It’s not usually a strict number of minutes, but rather an end point at which I move on to another task.
For example, let’s say I’m preparing for a presentation.
If I don’t set a time limit, I might start overthinking, and going through every scenario that could potentially go wrong (e.g., technical issues, tough questions that could derail me).
But if I tell myself I am going to prepare this morning and then after lunch I will take a break, then I am more likely to stay relaxed.
And in turn actually do better in the presentation.
8. Put Yourself in a Position to Have More Control
If possible (and it certainly isn’t always), put yourself in a position to have more control over the situation.
For example, let’s say you want to get a promotion. But your company isn’t giving you one because they don’t want to pay you more.
One option is to get more control of the situation, by looking for another job. And then either taking that new job or possibly negotiating for a counter offer.
9. CRITICAL STOP STRESSING TACTIC: Set Realistic Expectations
If you set realistic expectations for yourself, then if things don’t go perfectly (which they never do), you will not worry about it as much.
For example, if you start a new workout routine, and expect to look like Justin Hartley from This is Us in 3 weeks, I hate to break it to you, but it isn’t going to happen.
Feel free to insert your celebrity of choice in the above statement
But if you just focus on making incremental improvements, you will not get as stressed if progress is slower than expected.
10. Do Something Productive
One thing I’ve found that really helps me stop stressing is to do something productive which takes my mind off things.
For example, if I am getting down about things I read in the news, I’ll often exercise or work on this blog.
11. Do Something Fun
Along the same lines is to do something fun.
This is especially helpful if you are too emotionally drained from worrying to do anything productive.
I’ve totally been there, and there is nothing wrong with binge watching Little Fires Everywhere for the third time.
12. CRITICAL STOP STRESSING TACTIC: Focus on Things That Are Going Well
If you can’t stop stressing about something, one thing that can help is to switch gears and think about something that is going well for you.
Sometimes that’s tough, especially if you are in a rut and everything seems to be going badly.
But other times you may have one area in your life which is bothering you, but another area of your life where things are going well.
For example, when I have something worrying me about work, I think about how things are great with my wife.
Being thankful for what is going well can help you stop stressing about what isn’t going well.
13. Direct Your Energies Towards Helping Others
Not only will you help other people, but it will take you out of your own head and your own problems.
For example, sometimes my wife and I are each struggling with separate personal problems.
We’ve both found that one way that makes us both feel better is when we shift our attention away from ourselves to help each other.
14. Don’t Over-Empathize
Be there for people you love and be empathetic, but don’t suffer along with every moment they suffer.
Believe me, empathy is amazing. I’m all for being concerned for others, whether they are close to you or not.
But sometimes with those who are close to us, we can get so caught up in what they are feeling that it gets us really stressed out.
You want to do everything you can to help, but also need to give yourself a break sometimes to rejuvenate.
That will help you be even more effective at being there for them in the long run.
15. Ask for Help
If you are really struggling with anxiety, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Whether that is from a friend, family member, or a medical professional.
Make sure you don’t try to take on the world on alone, especially if you are dealing with a big challenge.
New Bonus Tip: Stop Stressing by Listening to Positive Affirmations
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Read more about the benefits of affirmations and get more than 50 positive affirmations for self-discipline and focus.
16. Don’t Put So Much Pressure on Yourself
If you are like me, you sometimes put a lot of pressure on yourself to be successful.
And then when hiccups come up, some of which you can’t really control, you feel bad about them.
It always helps me stop stressing when I tell myself that I don’t have to achieve everything right away and that I am doing the best I can.
17. CRITICAL STOP STRESSING TACTIC: Re-Frame the Situation
Another tactic I have used is to try to re-frame the situation, to put things in a more positive light.
It isn’t always possible but is very helpful when it is.
For example, if I am stuck in traffic, I can spend that time in a constant state of frustration.
OR I can re-frame the situation, and instead spend that time listening to a podcast, which I wouldn’t have had time for if not for the traffic.
18. Find Humor in Things
If something tragic is going on, this won’t be applicable.
But for the smaller things (and occasionally the semi-bigger things), I stop worrying when I start finding funny angles to a situation.
For example, sometimes I’ll be at a restaurant with family, and arguments will start occurring between a couple of family members, which can get stressful.
But if I start imagining that I am part of an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, then listening in becomes *almost* fun.
19. Turn Your Struggles into Art
So many people throughout history have produced incredible works of art that were inspired by struggles they went through.
Music, literature, TV, you name it.
An example for me has been writing about my wife’s mental health issues.
20. Have a Backup Plan
Often there is something we are counting on, which can cause a great deal of stress if it doesn’t work out.
But if you have a plan B, then you don’t have to bank it all on your initial plan working perfectly (which it rarely does).
21. Put Things in Perspective
Another thing that can help you stop stressing, is to put things into perspective.
Let’s say you are worried about an important upcoming meeting at work.
The default is often to place this huge level of significance on the meeting. Like:
“If it doesn’t go perfectly, it will lead to A and then to B and then to C, and eventually will be disastrous.”
But I’ve found it helps reduce my anxiety if I downplay the meeting, and instead tell myself:
“No matter what happens, I will be fine. A few weeks from now, I probably won’t even remember anything about this meeting.”
22. CRITICAL STOP STRESSING TACTIC: Look for “Glass is Half Full” Opportunities
A while back, my wife had a lot of pain in a few of her teeth.
We went to the dentist, and she ended up having to go through a series of painful root canals and other operations.
At first glance, this was miserable (and even at second glance it still sucked).
But on the flip side, there was a big glass-is-half-full opportunity.
My wife has been struggling with a severe anxiety of being around people. Due to her anxiety, she hadn’t been out in public much for a few years, including the dentist.
As painful and awful as it was, the pain in her teeth forced her to go into the dentist multiple times.
Which has helped reduce some of her anxiety over being in public places. (And is helping her get healthier teeth).
23. Live a Balanced Life
One method to reduce the chance of stress happening in your life is to make your life more balanced.
Imagine 2 scenarios:
- Unbalanced: You spend almost all day doing one thing. For example, getting consumed by work. Or going to school but not having anything else meaningful or productive you spend your time on.
- Balanced: You live a balanced life, where you have multiple passions and things you focus on. For example, exercise, relationships, career, family, etc.
In the first scenario, you are much more vulnerable to stressing out when things happen outside of your control.
Why?
Because if all you have going on your life is 1 thing, and something bad happens in that area, you have nothing else to fall back on.
In contrast, if you live a balanced life, you have more to fall back on when times get tough in any one given area.
Of course, finding balance is easier said than done. There are many obstacles that can make it hard.
Such as:
- Needing to work a lot to support you/your family.
- Difficulty finding things you are passionate about.
- And limited time.
However if you can take actionable steps to make your life more balanced, it can make you less vulnerable to the stress that results from things happening outside of your control.
24. Forgive People
For a truly horrible thing, it might be difficult to forgive someone. I totally get that.
But there are also many situations where a lot of us hold grudges against others for relatively minor things.
Whenever you are angry at someone it causes a great deal of distress. Not stress for them, but stress for YOU.
Again, it is completely understandable if there is something serious you are upset at someone for.
But where possible, the more you can try to forgive people, the more you will reduce your own stress.
It doesn’t mean you have to start hanging out with them all the time, but if you can forgive them and move past things, then you can focus your thoughts on more positive areas.
25. CRITICAL STOP STRESSING TACTIC: Know When to Cut Your Losses
Let’s say you can’t stop stressing out over a business venture that isn’t going well.
It very well may be that you should find a way to keep plugging away, and that things will improve with time. But it also could be time to move on and try something different.
It’s impossible to say what you should do to in your own circumstance. And 90% of the time I favor persistence.
But there are circumstances where quitting can be a great thing, and will free you up for new opportunities.
26. Use Bad Things as Fuel
Just like the tip on using your struggles to inspire art, many successful people throughout history have been motivated by bad things that have happened to them.
If possible, turn those difficult times into fuel to accomplish your dreams.
27. CRITICAL STOP STRESSING TACTIC: Savor the Victories
When you accomplish something, don’t move on too quickly to the next decision.
Spend some time in that moment to reflect on how proud you are of what you did, even if it’s just a small victory.
If you are constantly moving on to the next challenge without giving yourself time to reflect first, then you are much more likely to get stressed out.
And then when things come along that you can’t control, you are not going to be in as strong a position to deal with them.
Not only that, you also are going to be less likely to be successful, because you won’t be positively reinforcing your successes.
28. Don’t Plan Things Right Before Bed
Everyone is unique in when they prefer to work, but if you are anything like me, it helps to try to avoid planning things right before bed.
I struggle to fall asleep more often after thinking about major decisions late at night.
29. Socialize More Often
The more time you spend socializing, the less you are stuck in your own head.
It’s difficult to obsess over your problems when you are in the middle of conversations with friends or family.
30. Remember Everything You Have Overcome
One method I’ve found that helps me stop stressing is to consider all the things in my life which I’ve already overcome.
Often, many of them were far more difficult than whatever current obstacle I am dealing with.
That helps me worry less by realizing that one day I will overcome this too.
31. CRITICAL STOP STRESSING TACTIC: Think About How This Will Make a Great Story
Other than the most terrible tragedies, I’ve found that almost everything challenging in my life, eventually turns into a great story.
Traumas from childhood, my wife’s mental health issues, broken bones. With enough time, almost all of them have shifted from things which are difficult to interesting stories.
And with the little things, it doesn’t take much time at all.
Sometimes I even try to think of the stories I am going to tell people in the moment when things are happening. It can really help put a different spin on things and reduce stress.
It’s certainly not always possible, but when you can, turning the difficult challenges into stories can make things a little easier.
Conclusion
Life never stops surprising me.
Just when I think I have it figured out, something stressful unexpectedly happens.
And it’s tough to stop stressing out when it does.
But these 31 techniques have helped me reduce my worries, and I hope they help you too.
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