How to Change Your Life in Your 20s • The Disciplined Rebel

This article is about how to CHANGE YOUR LIFE in your 20s.

Topics discussed:

My story of transformation (in brief)
How to change your life in your 20s (5 tips on what NOT to do)
How to change your life in your 20s (9 tips on what to DO)

Table of Contents

1) Section 1: My Story (In Brief)

2) Section 2: How to Change Your Life in Your 20s – What NOT to Do

3) Section 3: How to Change Your Life in Your 20s – What to DO

4) Final Words

Section 1: My Story (In Brief)

My life DRAMATICALLY changed from my mid to late 20s. In my mid-20s I:

Was socially awkward
Rarely exercised
Ate unhealthy foods
Had no idea what I wanted to do in my career
Played games and binge watched shows all day
And had never been in a long-term relationship

By my late 20s, I:

Was much more confident in social situations
Exercised regularly
Ate healthier
Enjoyed my career
Only played games or watched shows occasionally
And by the time I turned 30, I was married to an amazing woman

And you know what’s really awesome: 90% of my transformation took place in just a year or two!

Once I applied the tips I am about to mention, change happened fairly quickly.

Section 2: How to Change Your Life in Your 20s – What NOT to Do

Here are 5 tips for what to AVOID doing, if you want your 20s to go in a positive direction.

Tip Number 1: Don’t Hold on to Your Old Identity

In order to truly change, you need to let go of your Past Self.

Do you have to let go of everything? Of course not. But you do want to shed the notion that you ARE fundamentally a certain way.

For example:

I am an awkward person.
I am an undisciplined person.
Or I am an out-of-shape person.

Once you let go of your old identity, it is going to be easier to start forming new identities.

Such as:

I am a confident person.
I am a disciplined person.
Or I am a healthy person.

Of course, you are going to have to couple this mindset shift with making actions that match. Which several of my other tips will touch on.

But letting go of the past is an essential starting point.

Side note: If you want to change your identity, one of the best places is to start is with positive affirmations. Here are over 50 positive affirmations for self-discipline (in text & video formats).

Tip Number 2: Don’t Compare Your Life to Other People’s Lives

When I was in my early to mid-20s, there was one thing I could always count on making me feel bad:

Comparing where I was in life to where other people at a similar life stage were.

Thoughts would enter my head like:

Why haven’t I found as much happiness in relationships? A lot of people I know have had successful relationships by now.
I still have no idea what I want to do with my career. But I just read about a billionaire CEO who is only 25 years old. And now I feel worse about myself.
How come some people I know are so confident in social situations, yet I am more awkward? I wish my social skills were as good as theirs.

And you know where these kinds of thoughts got me? Absolutely nowhere.

Once I finally stopped comparing myself to others, it became easier to focus on the things I could control.

That is, the decisions I could make with my own life.

Tip Number 3: Don’t Engage in Behaviors That Are Preventing You From Changing Your Life

For a long time, I wanted desperately to change, but my bad habits kept getting in the way.

Things like:

Playing excessive amounts of video games.
Binge watching shows and podcasts.
And eating too much junk food.

Depending on what your bad habits are, it might be tough to change them.

But know that you need to work towards removing or limiting those behaviors, in order to truly change your ways.

Tip Number 4: Avoid People Who Are Holding You Back

Do you have friends or other people in your life who are making it harder to change?

Such as:

Bad Influencers: People who tempt you to engage in behaviors you are trying to cut back on.
Change Resisters: People who don’t like the idea of change and get upset when they see you changing.
Or Complainers: People who are constantly complaining about where they are at in life. And whose way of thinking rubs off on you. Which causes you to complain more too.

If you have any people like this in your life, you have to either:

(A) Distance them from your life. If that’s an option.
Or (B) Establish clear boundaries with them, so they don’t prevent you from growing.

Tip Number 5: When Trying to Change Your Life in Your 20s, Don’t be Too Hard on Yourself

On your journey to improve your life, things are going to happen.

You are going to:

Make mistakes.
Miss opportunities.
And fail to do all the things you know you should be doing.

And that’s okay. It’s perfectly natural and it’s going to happen.

Remember, you aren’t going for perfection. You are just going for improvement.

And that’s much more attainable.

Section 3: How to Change Your Life in Your 20s – What to DO

Now that I’ve covered what NOT to do, it’s time to shift to what you SHOULD do.

Here are 9 tips for how to change your life in your 20s, that helped me turn things around.

Tip Number 1: Change Your Life 1 Small Step at a Time

Change rarely comes from giant leaps. Instead, it comes through small decisions made day-after-day.

I used to have an ALL-OR-NOTHING mentality.

And that resulted in me getting stuck in a vicious cycle:

First, I would work extremely hard towards changing my life for a few days or weeks.
Then, I would burn out and not do anything for a long period.
After doing nothing for a while, I would feel the need to make a change again. And would repeat the cycle.

I finally got out of that cycle when I started focusing on making small changes.

Changes which were small enough that I could keep up with them in the long-term.

Here’s how to do that:

Prioritize your goals: You can’t do it all at once. Often it helps to just focus on 1 new change at a time.
When starting a new habit, go as tiny as possible: For example, if you want to start meditating, don’t try to do 30 minutes a day. Instead, start with something smaller. Like 1 minute. Wait until you’ve formed a strong habit, before you start making things more challenging.
Have specific, tangible goals: You are much more likely to follow through with a small, specific goal, than a broad, vague plan. For example, you are not that likely to commit to something general, like “I want to learn programming.” But you are much more likely to commit to something specific, like “I am going to watch this introduction to JavaScript tutorial tomorrow morning.”

If you start small, it will ADD UP to great things.

Tip Number 2: Get Organized!

If you want to change, one of the first places to start, is organizing your life.

Organization makes it easier for you to follow through with your goals. Because the more structured your life is, the more control you have over it.

Here are some ways to get more organized:

Keep a to-do list: When you write down your plans, you are much more likely to follow through with them.
Have a regular schedule: Wake up and go to bed at similar times each day. And consider having regular morning and night routines you follow.
Clean your place: It doesn’t have to be completely pristine, but it helps to establish good cleaning habits. A cleaner environment can put you in a better mindset to accomplish things.

Tip Number 3: Take Care of Your Body

One of the most helpful ways to change your life in your 20s, is to prioritize your physical health.

That means:

Exercise
Eat healthier
Maintain good personal hygiene
Get sufficient sleep
And drink enough water

Once I started exercising and eating healthier, everything else in my life started to fall into place.

Recommended article: How to Stick to a Workout Schedule

Tip Number 4: Spend Time on Internal Growth

In addition to taking care of your physical health, it is also important to focus on your mental health and emotional well-being.

Here are a few things that can help:

Meditation
Journaling
Informally reflecting on your life and ways of thinking
And of course, therapy

Tip Number 5: Improve Your Social Skills

I used to be INCREDIBLY awkward in social situations.

My awkwardness was particularly severe during high school and in college. But continued to an extent through my mid-20s.

It wasn’t until I started consciously working on developing my social abilities, that my awkwardness started to diminish.

Here are some keys to improving your social skills:

Go outside of your comfort zone: In my mid-20s, I made a conscious effort to try to be more social than I had been, and to meet new people. And as a result, I made some great connections.
Open Up: I used to be more closed off. Unless I was around my close friends, I tended to shut down. For a long time, that held me back, because people are attracted to genuineness. Once I started opening up more, it helped me develop closer relationships.
Listen: I used to be a horrible listener. Becoming a better listener has led to much deeper and better conversations, both personally and professionally. And has also helped me understand people better.

Tip Number 6: Change Your Life in Your 20s by Helping Others

Being there for other people can help you find a sense of meaning in your own life.

Here are some ways to do that:

Volunteer
Be kind to random people you meet
Or help people close to you

For me, a big part of my sense of purpose, is helping my wife through her struggles with mental illness.

Being there to support her and help her through tough times has given me a reason to get up every morning.

Tip Number 7: Try New Things (Even If You Aren’t 100% Sure About Them)

One thing that demoralized me a lot in my 20s, was the pressure I felt to know what I wanted to do in life.

But here’s the secret: You don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes, you just have to give things a shot. And see what works.

Adopting this mindset led me to many new and rewarding experiences.

For instance, I:

Started going after different jobs: Even if I didn’t know what I wanted to do in my career.
Experimented with exercise programs: Even if I wasn’t sure if they had the “perfect routine.”
And had conversations with new people: Even if I didn’t know if they would result in longer term connections.

Trying new things doesn’t always work out. But if you keep experimenting, you might discover some pretty incredible opportunities.

Tip Number 8: Form Habits Instead of Relying on Motivation

Everything else I’ve mentioned is only going to work if you establish habits.

Habits are behaviors which are SO ingrained into your routine that you do them without having to be:

Motivated
Energized
Or inspired

You can incorporate habits into nearly any area of your life. For example:

If you want to improve your social skills, you could start by forming a habit of initiating a conversation with a stranger once a week.
If you want to get a job, you could start a habit of sending in 1 application every Monday.
Or if you want to clean a messy room in your apartment, you could make a habit of doing 5 minutes of cleaning once a week. I am actually currently in the process of this one.

Habits are incredibly powerful and are capable of COMPLETELY changing your life!

Recommended books on habits:

Tip Number 9: Love and Accept Yourself

If you want to improve your life in your 20s, a great thing to focus on, is learning to accept and love yourself.

Yes, you want to improve. But that doesn’t mean you can’t love yourself until you’ve made it to the finish line. A finish line which may not even exist.

I’m not saying loving yourself is going to be easy. Depending on where you are at, it may take time.

But if you can begin to accept yourself, it will make the rest of your journey more enjoyable.

Final Words

When it comes to changing your life in your 20s, you don’t have to do any of this perfectly.

If you even just do 5% of the stuff I mentioned, you will start to see HUGE improvements in your life.